All Fiction Battles Wiki
All Fiction Battles Wiki

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Suppose that you were sitting down at a table. The napkins are in front of you, which napkin would you take? The one on your ‘left’? Or the one on your ‘right’? The one on your left side? Or the one on your right side? Usually you would take the one on your left side. That is ‘correct’ too. But in a larger sense on society, that is wrong. Perhaps I could even substitute ‘society’ with the ‘Universe’. The correct answer is that ‘It is determined by the one who takes his or her own napkin first.’ …Yes? If the first one takes the napkin to their right, then there’s no choice but for others to also take the ‘right’ napkin. The same goes for the left. Everyone else will take the napkin to their left, because they have no other option. This is ‘society’… Who are the ones that determine the price of land first? There must have been someone who determined the value of money, first. The size of the rails on a train track? The magnitude of electricity? Laws and Regulations? Who was the first to determine these things? Did we all do it, because this is a Republic? Or was it Arbitrary? NO! The one who took the napkin first determined all of these things! The rules of this world are determined by that same principle of ‘right or left?’! In a Society like this table, a state of equilibrium, once one makes the first move, everyone must follow! In every era, this World has been operating by this napkin principle. And the one who ‘takes the napkin first’ must be someone who is respected by all. It’s not that anyone can fulfill this role… Those that are despotic or unworthy will be scorned. And those are the ‘losers’. In the case of this table, the ‘eldest’ or the ‘Master of the party’ will take the napkin first… Because everyone ‘respects’ those individuals.
~ Funny Valentine

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Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap!
~ Funny Valentine summoning his stand

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My heart and actions are utterly unclouded! They are all those of 'Justice' !
~ Funny Valentine

~ Valentine's catchphrase


Funny Valentine is the 23rd President of the United States, an avowed patriot who seeks to make his country supreme above all others. To this end, he organizes the country-wide Steel Ball Run race, with a grand prize of $50,000,000, seeking to use it as a front to collect all nine portions of the Holy Corpse scattered across America.

Powers and Stats

Tier: 10-A, 8-A with Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, Low 7-B with the Holy Corpse, Unknown with Love Train

Name: Funny Valentine

Origin: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Steel Ball Run

Gender: Male

Age: 48

Classification: Human, Stand User, 23rd President of the United States

Dimensionality: 3-D

Powers and Abilities:

Superhuman Physical Characteristics, Extrasensory Perception (Capable of seeing ghosts and souls among some other supernatural forces that are normally otherwise invisible), Expert Marksman (He's a good shot with his pistol, shooting Axl in the neck and intentionally missing his vitals), Social Influencing (Resourceful at making promises to keep situations under his control. Is noted to be charming and held a 91% approval rating as President), Stealth Mastery (When using D4C's abilities), Aura and Summoning (Of his Stand. The latter two powers are only present in the Valentine with D4C, the rest of the powers are shared by all alternative versions of himself)

Stand Physiology, Superhuman Physical Characteristics, Afterimage Creation (Its attacks can leave numerous afterimages), Flight (Within its effective range), Invisibility (A Stand can only be seen by other Stand users), Incorporeality (Stands are the incorporeal manifestations of one's vital energy, and can only be harmed by other Stands), Non-Physical Interaction (Stands can interact with ghosts and other Stands), Selective Intangibility, Dimensional Travel and Portal Creation (Valentine can use D4C to travel between infinite & "neighbors"/similar dimensions), BFR (Valentine can use D4C to transport others, even just parts of their body and projectiles), Limited Possession and Immortality (Type 6; He can transfer his Stand and his memories to an alternate version of himself if he is lethally injured), Pseudo-Summoning (Using D4C, Valentine can manually bring his alternate selves for help in combat, or other allies, such as Diego Brando from Another Universe), Pseudo-Transmutation (By causing someone to come near an alternate version of themself, both will collapse into Menger Sponges and be completely obliterated; this is not an ability of D4C, but a simple fact of the world, and Valentine himself is immune), Pseudo-Intangibility (Valentine can use his dimensional doors to phase through objects and other beings) and Aura

Attack Potency: Athlete level, Multi-City Block Level with Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (Fought evenly with Diego Brando), Small City level with the Holy Corpse (Generated a massive storm that covered Kansas City), Unknown with Love Train (Love Train lacks any kind of direct destructive ability, being a barrier instead)

Speed: Superhuman with Massively FTL reactions (Reacted to Johnny's bullets and Diego's attacks), Massively FTL with Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (Fought against Diego and fused with Love Train as Tusk Act 4 was traveling towards it)

Lifting Strength: Unknown

Durability: Multi-City Block level (Can take attacks from Gyro and Diego), Multi-City Block level with Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (Survived taking a beating from Tusk Act 4, which can harm THE WORLD), High Universe level with Love Train (Love Train is a barrier made of infinite neighobor dimensions compressed together), Immortality and BFR make him difficult to kill (Love Train's effects make it very difficult to harm or hit him at all, as it simply sends all attacks elsewhere)

Stamina: High, capable of briefly surviving fatal injuries such as having his hands nearly cut off, his throat slit and even being gutted and split down the middle.

Range: Standard melee range, Tens of meters with his revolver, Several meters with Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, Multiversal+ with Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap's Dimensional Travel, Tens of meters with Love Train (Can get far away from Lucy while having Love Train, losing it if they separate too much), Planetary with Love Train's dimensional walls (It deflects all misfortune to elsewhere on the planet)

Standard Equipment: Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, his father's handkerchief, a Revolver, some of the Holy Corpse Parts, Love Train, Lucy Steel (She's around a dozen meters away from Valentine unwillingly granting him his new powers, which will be eventually unneeded), and a Cream Starter

Intelligence: Genius. Valentine is a cunning strategist and opponent willing to do anything it takes to win, cleverly making use of his Stand's abilities to evade death and overcome his foes. He is a careful and observant man who constantly works towards his goals and to grasp his own capabilities. This cautious nature allowed him to grasp that the Spin posed a threat to him, and to see through Diego's disguise.

Weaknesses: Valentine must be between two objects to use Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap's ability to travel between worlds, and any damage Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap takes will be reflected onto his own body. Funny Valentine can not move 1890's American currency between dimensions, although this is later contradicted, Valentine must maintain a certain distance from Lucy to use Love Train and must move alongside Lucy if she changes location. To attack others and change the location of their injuries, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap must leave the safety of the dimensional wall, becoming briefly vulnerable

Notable Attacks/Techniques:

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap: Valentine's Stand, known as D4C for short. It is a blue-and-pink close-range Stand with large, bunny-like ears. As a close-range Stand, it attacks at short ranges with punches, but its primary ability is to allow multiple parallel universes to exist in the same place at once, with its own universe acting as the "root" universe. As a result, this universe is the only one with Corpse Parts.

  • Dimension Hopping: So long as Valentine and D4C are between two objects, they can travel between parallel universes. Any objects, such as flags, the ground, doors, water of any amount, and steam can be used for this purpose, and so long as a part of Valentine is between them his ability can be used, bringing his entire body along. Valentine can bring other objects and people between universes, and when he returns, he can appear from anywhere, such as from someone's back.
    • Paradoxing: When Valentine brings an individual to another parallel world, if they meet their alternate self from that world, both will begin to crumble into Menger Sponges, being drawn closer and closer together until they are both completely obliterated. Thanks to D4C, Valentine himself and all of his alternate selves are immune to this, allowing him to make use of them in combat situations. Any character who would be capable of safely interacting with an alternate version of themselves would be immune to this ability as well, of course.
    • User Transfer: If Valentine takes severe injuries, he can use D4C to travel to another dimension and transfer his Stand and memories to one of his alternate selves. This Valentine will become the new root Valentine and will inherit the original's motivations and mission. As Valentine has access to infinite universes, this makes him nearly unkillable, as he will always have a backup body in case things go south.
  • D4C Love Train: An evolved form of Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap granted to Valentine by Lucy Steel's Stand, Ticket to Ride. This ability renders Valentine nearly invincible as he is followed everywhere he goes by a shimmering wall of light, which he can use to glide across the ground as if here were flat and walk in midair, avoiding obstacles in the process. Because it is dependent on Lucy Steel's Stand, Valentine must maintain a certain distance from her to make use of it, and if she moves, he must move as well.
    • Misfortune Redirection: Valentine's wall of light redirects all misfortune that gets in Valentine's way, leaving only good fortune, deflecting it across the world for someone else to suffer the consequences. This protects him from attacks, making him essentially invincible so long as he stays in the wall. He can use this ability offensively by having D4C briefly exit the gap, using it to move a target's injuries to elsewhere on this body. In this way, a scratch on the hand can become a lethal blow to the heart, but using this leaves D4C briefly vulnerable.


Notable Victories:

Notable Losses:

Inconclusive Matches: